but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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