If i come over, it means nothing
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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