Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
