Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
