i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
