Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
