i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
