so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
