Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
