Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
