The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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