update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
