you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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