he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
