i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just found a bag of teeth...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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