I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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