he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
