allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize