took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
4 words: hood of his car
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i love accidental penises.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
