The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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