Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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