He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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