I have demons in me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
