u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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