she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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