I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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