Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize