Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
