I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
