woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
