just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
