Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
