The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
