sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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