Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
