Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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