okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
