I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
