i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
