the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
