If i come over, it means nothing
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
