Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
