That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
