Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
