how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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