I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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