his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
