we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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