I'm so fucking centered right now
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
