so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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