Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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