I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize