I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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