Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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