Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
