She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
