the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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