I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
