Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He better not be in your backpack
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize