I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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