Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
