I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
