I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
