i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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