so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
