Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
